"I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened" - Mark Twain stop worrying

What Is worry? Worry is a very strong feeling of anxiety. It's fear of the unknown - the thought that the worst will happen.

We may become overly concerned with future events. We may engage in repetitive negative self-talk with all the worst case scenarios. A lot of our thoughts will begin with …

"If only ….

I would have stayed at Home"

I would have said"

I made the opposite decision"

Or

"What if …

I get into a car accident?"

I get fired or laid off?"

My teenager gets pregnant?"

I become ill?"

Worry is a behavior - a habitual way of thinking. If your parents were chronic worriers, chances are you will be too - then you'll pass it on to your children. Since worry is a habitual behavior, you do have the ability to overcome it - to replace worry with a more positive habit.

What Do We Worry About?

When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:

40% never happens - so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.

30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to "let go" and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past - no one can.
Accept it for what it is and go on.

12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.

10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what's for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.

8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…

4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.

4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.

Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions:

* How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control?

* Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill?

* Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?

I can't answer these questions for you. What I can do is offer you techniques to overcome worry. It's up to you to decide to stop the worry habit.
How Can You Stop or Reduce Your Worries?

"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything." - Mary Hemingway

1. Prepare for the worst - Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living". Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.

2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry - get busy on your to-do list. If you don't have a list - then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.

3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There's dozens of things you can do.

4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.

5. Make a Decision. If you're worrying about an unresolved personal or Business issue - then it's time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.

6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It's usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It's usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.

7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.

8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal - but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)

9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.

10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it's easier to put things in perspective. It's easier to cope with the unexpected.

11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!

12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as "Calmness is the cradle of power" (Josiah Gilbert Holland).

There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.

“我活了好幾十年了，知道許多令人擔(dān)憂(yōu)的問(wèn)題，但事實(shí)上這些問(wèn)題大部分從未發(fā)生過(guò)。”----馬克·吐溫。

遠(yuǎn)離煩惱

什么是煩惱？煩惱是一種強(qiáng)烈的憂(yōu)慮感，是對(duì)未知的恐懼，即擔(dān)心最糟糕的事情會(huì)發(fā)生。

我們可能對(duì)未來(lái)的事情過(guò)度關(guān)心，可能會(huì)產(chǎn)生消極的想法，一遍一遍地在心里設(shè)想著那些可能最糟糕的情景。我們很多憂(yōu)慮都開(kāi)始于：

“要是……就好了”

如：要是我留在家就好了

要是我說(shuō)了……就好了

要是我做了相反的決定就好了

或者

“如果……怎么辦”

如果我出了車(chē)禍怎么辦？

如果丟了工作怎么辦？

如果未成年的女兒懷孕怎么辦？

如果我生病了怎么辦？

煩惱是一種行為---一種習(xí)慣性的思考方式。如果你的父母長(zhǎng)期憂(yōu)慮的話(huà)，你就有患上憂(yōu)慮的可能，然后又會(huì)傳給你的孩子。既然憂(yōu)慮是一種習(xí)慣性行為，你當(dāng)然有能力克服它，用一種更積極的習(xí)慣來(lái)代替它。

那么我們都煩惱些什么呢？

相關(guān)的調(diào)查結(jié)果顯示了下列數(shù)據(jù)：

40%的煩惱從未發(fā)生過(guò)，因此煩惱根本就是浪費(fèi)時(shí)間

30%已經(jīng)發(fā)生過(guò)了。既然如此，就要學(xué)會(huì)“放得下”，原諒自己也原諒別人。沒(méi)有人能夠改變過(guò)去。因此應(yīng)該接受現(xiàn)實(shí)，繼續(xù)面對(duì)生活。

12%是完全不必要的煩惱，例如別人會(huì)怎么看我們。

10%是一些細(xì)枝末節(jié)的瑣事，如擔(dān)心遲到，煩惱晚飯吃什么，穿什么衣服。

8%的擔(dān)心確實(shí)發(fā)生了，但這只不過(guò)是很小一個(gè)比例不是嗎？

4%已經(jīng)發(fā)生的擔(dān)憂(yōu)是我們無(wú)法掌控的，我們無(wú)力去改變事情的結(jié)局。這些擔(dān)憂(yōu)可能包括身體狀況、一個(gè)深?lèi)?ài)著的人的死亡或者一場(chǎng)臨近的自然災(zāi)害。很多時(shí)候，擔(dān)憂(yōu)要比這些事實(shí)本身更加難以忍受。

另外4%擔(dān)憂(yōu)的事情，我們可以控制部分的事情結(jié)果，如果不是全部的話(huà)。我認(rèn)為，這主要取決于在面對(duì)問(wèn)題和挑戰(zhàn)時(shí)我們是否采取應(yīng)對(duì)措施。

看了這些數(shù)據(jù)，你也許覺(jué)得應(yīng)該問(wèn)問(wèn)下面幾個(gè)問(wèn)題：

有多少次，我們?yōu)榱艘患�超出自己掌控范圍的事情而把自己折騰得發(fā)狂？

為什么要讓自己被憂(yōu)慮壓得疲憊不堪，甚至生病？

為什么要浪費(fèi)精力去煩惱些什么？

我不能回答這些問(wèn)題，我能做的只是提出一些方法建議，來(lái)幫助你克服憂(yōu)慮。改變憂(yōu)慮的習(xí)慣，關(guān)鍵在于你自己。

怎樣才能停止或者減少憂(yōu)慮？

瑪麗·海明威說(shuō)，“每天煩惱一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)，生命減少好幾年。有了問(wèn)題，如果有能力的話(huà)就去解決它，但要試著不去為此而煩惱，要知道，憂(yōu)慮不能解決任何問(wèn)題。”

1. 做最好的準(zhǔn)備，最好的打算。這正是戴爾·卡內(nèi)基在"How to Stop Worrying and Start Living"一書(shū)中提出的建議。接受最糟糕的結(jié)局，然后開(kāi)始采取措施改善狀況。

2. 讓自己忙起來(lái)。當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己開(kāi)始憂(yōu)慮的時(shí)候，就去做日程表上的事情吧。沒(méi)有的話(huà)就列出一張來(lái)，列出你的目標(biāo)和達(dá)到目標(biāo)的行動(dòng)步驟。這樣做有一個(gè)好處，就是不用擔(dān)心會(huì)忘記一些重要的事情了。

3. 分散注意力。給朋友打打電話(huà)，讀讀好書(shū)，看看有趣的電影，帶孩子逛公園，散散步……可以做的事情太多了。

4. 獲得幫助。家人和朋友是你最好的求助對(duì)象，他們?nèi)绻�能夠告訴你他們對(duì)事情的看法就更好了。有時(shí)候你需要的只是傾訴，把話(huà)說(shuō)出來(lái)了，煩惱也就消失了。

5. 做出一個(gè)決定。如果你正為某個(gè)尚未解決的私人或者商務(wù)問(wèn)題而煩惱的話(huà)，那么就是做出決定的時(shí)候了。做出決定之后，就可以開(kāi)始采取行動(dòng)以獲得最圓滿(mǎn)的結(jié)局。

6. 勇敢地直面問(wèn)題。很多時(shí)候，造成你煩惱的并不是問(wèn)題本身，而是對(duì)問(wèn)題的猜測(cè)。例如別人會(huì)受到什么樣的影響？他們會(huì)如何反應(yīng)等等。盡快地處理好問(wèn)題吧。

7. 練習(xí)放松。安排時(shí)間來(lái)一次徹底放松，這是很重要的。閉上眼睛，深深地長(zhǎng)吸一口氣，讓氣流緩緩進(jìn)入鼻腔，然后緩緩地從口腔吐出來(lái)。每呼吸一次都告訴自己要放松。只需如此練習(xí)幾分鐘，你就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)身體不那么緊張了。

8. 聽(tīng)CD�？梢允悄阕钕矚g的音樂(lè)，腦波震動(dòng)CD，或者專(zhuān)門(mén)用來(lái)消除煩惱與憂(yōu)慮的行為修正磁帶。（并不一定非要自我催眠或者潛意識(shí)類(lèi)的，當(dāng)然，你可以選擇聽(tīng)什么類(lèi)型的磁帶。）

9. 雜志。大多數(shù)人在把擔(dān)憂(yōu)的所有事情都寫(xiě)下來(lái)投給雜志社以后，都感到了一種輕松感。通過(guò)寫(xiě)作你可能把你真正擔(dān)憂(yōu)的東西渲泄了出來(lái)，這樣你就可以開(kāi)始以一種客觀(guān)的態(tài)度來(lái)改善狀況。

10. 照顧好自己。要有充足的休息時(shí)間，健康的飲食和適當(dāng)?shù)腻憻�。�?dāng)身體與精神狀態(tài)都很好的時(shí)候，你就能夠更輕松地正確看待事情，處理突發(fā)事件。

11. 列舉一些你可以感恩的事物。你有很多值得感恩的東西，看看你的周?chē)�，我們生活在一個(gè)美麗的世界里，你的健康，家人，思想，你的國(guó)家，房子，工作，電視，甚至你的微波，都應(yīng)該感恩。

12. 關(guān)注你的思想狀態(tài)。了解自己的思想并且隨時(shí)準(zhǔn)備用積極正面的精神狀態(tài)代替憂(yōu)慮，事先要準(zhǔn)備好某一種積極的精神狀態(tài)或者一句引言，例如“鎮(zhèn)靜是力量的搖籃” （約西亞·吉爾伯特·霍蘭）。

幫助你不再憂(yōu)慮的方法有很多，重要的一點(diǎn)是，要堅(jiān)持不懈地使用它們，直到新的行為逐漸成為一種習(xí)慣。