Question

    I used to have a ton of friends-then I got married. My wife can't stand any of my buddies. I've tried to adjust and only hang with our married friends, but I don't get invites to my pals' parties, backyard barbecues or nights out anymore. I love my wife, but I feel horrible not having my old friends around. What can I do?

    -- Friendless in My Own Hometown

    Dear Friendless,

    Not to put too fine a point on it, but your wife is treating you like a dog that only she is allowed to walk. I'm guessing she loves you deeply and wants to keep you close. But she is limiting you in ways that are bad for you and ultimately bad for your marriage. Ask her to lengthen the leash, lest you start seeing her as a restraint to happiness rather than the source of it.

    Question

    I'm the youngest of three and have always taken care of my parents. Mom is now a widow. I live nearby and am saddled with daily calls, bills, doctors' appointments, everything. Did I mention I have a husband and three kids, go to school and work part-time? My brother retired to Florida. My sister doesn't work but says if my brother won't help, she won't either. How can I get my siblings to pitch in?

    -- Tired

    Dear Tired,

    Sounds like you're stuck being the good child, the one who knows how to love responsibly and give back. You might have to put direct help from your sibs out of your mind, but don't be afraid to ask for their help with the bills or paperwork. In the meantime, enlist the help of friends, church groups and social services to relieve your day-to-day burden.

    Question

    My co-worker brags all day long. Her husband spoils her with expensive gifts. Her kids get high honors in advanced-placement classes. She takes incredible vacations. She has to top everyone. I've tried to steer conversations to other topics, but she goes on and on. What can be done to shut her up?

    -- Ear Full

    Dear Ear,

    Bragging usually masks insecurity. You can't steer or stop your colleague. The more unappreciated she feels, the more she'll boast. Just agree with her-yes, she has brilliant kids and an amazing marriage-and walk away.

    I Love Him But …

    Question

    I love my boyfriend, but we don't share the same values. I want kids; he doesn't. I'm religious; he's an atheist. Everyone tells me to drop him. But I know he loves me and respects my beliefs. Should I follow my heart?

    -- Valentine Quandary

    Dear Quandary,

    How much are you willing to sacrifice for this love? Children? God? Those are biggies. Love between incompatible people is cute only in the movies. Maybe this guy would make a better friend. Leave your heart open for someone with whom you can share your values and your entire self.

    Question

    I'm a nursing student and the oldest of five children. My family is counting on me to succeed, but I didn't make the grade and have to repeat the semester in six months. I'm so disappointed that I let my parents down. I don't know how to tell them.

    -- Failure

    Dear Failure,

    You aren't letting them down! Working hard to enter an honorable profession should make any loving family proud. Needing to retake classes because you learn at a different pace is not shameful, just a fact. Why don't you spend the next six months volunteering in a nursing-related function, maybe at a local hospital? Learn all you can, and go back to school with the confidence of a committed student and a future nurse.

    Question of the Month

    I'm an officer in a high school parent organization. One mother in the group believes the teacher favors my daughter over hers because of my position, and she's made false statements about me that sparked irate phone calls from other parents. I've worked hard for the program,but her backstabbing is really getting to me. How can I pull the knife out?

    -- Wounded

    Dear Wounded,

    Sometimes being willing to play rough is the only way to stop a bully. At the next PTA meeting, take on this mom publicly. Cite specific false statements she's made and demand she either back up her allegations or correct them. This is as much about your daughter's reputation as it is your own, so put up your dukes.

    提問(wèn)：

    我曾經(jīng)有很多的朋友-終于我結(jié)婚了。我妻子受不了我的那些伙計(jì)們。我試著適應(yīng)只和那些結(jié)過(guò)婚的朋友在一起，但是我再也沒(méi)被邀請(qǐng)參加我那些伙計(jì)們的聚會(huì)，聚餐或者是晚上找我出去消遣。我愛(ài)我的妻子，但是我的朋友們不在我身邊使我感覺(jué)很糟。我該怎么做？

    ------沒(méi)朋友致 在家鄉(xiāng)

    親愛(ài)的沒(méi)朋友：

    不要把問(wèn)題看得太細(xì)，但是你的妻子的確把你看做只有他才能遛的狗一樣。我想她一定深深的愛(ài)著你從而想把你拉得更近。但是她正在用一種對(duì)你和你們的婚姻都不利得方式來(lái)限制你。建議他把鏈條放長(zhǎng)一點(diǎn)，免得你把它看做是幸福的一種約束力而非源泉。

    提問(wèn)：

    我是家里三個(gè)孩子中最小的一個(gè)，而且經(jīng)常照顧父母。我父親已經(jīng)去世了。我就住在她附近，負(fù)責(zé)著每天打電話，付賬單，安排醫(yī)生，所有的事情。我告沒(méi)告訴過(guò)你我還有一個(gè)丈夫和3個(gè)孩子，要上學(xué)，要兼職？我哥哥在佛羅里達(dá)退休了。我姐姐沒(méi)有工作但是他說(shuō)如果我哥哥不幫助我他也不會(huì)。我怎么才能讓我的哥哥姐姐來(lái)插手這件事呢？

    ----泰瑞得

    親愛(ài)的泰瑞得，

    聽(tīng)起來(lái)你一直在做一個(gè)好孩子，一個(gè)知道如何負(fù)責(zé)人的去愛(ài)并且回報(bào)的好孩子。你最好還是把從你兄弟姐妹那里得到直接幫助的想法放棄吧，但是當(dāng)有文書(shū)工作或賬單的時(shí)候不要害怕去找他們尋求幫助。與此同時(shí)，來(lái)自朋友，教會(huì)組織，社會(huì)機(jī)構(gòu)的幫助也可以減輕你每天的負(fù)擔(dān)。

    提問(wèn)：

    我的同事每天都在不停地吹牛。她的丈夫總是用昂貴的禮物寵著她。她的孩子們以在貴族班學(xué)習(xí)而自豪。她總是度過(guò)令人難以置信的假期。她總是凌駕于眾人之上。我試著去談些別的話題，但是她還是繼續(xù)說(shuō)。我怎樣才能讓她閉上嘴呢？

    -----艾爾 福爾

    親愛(ài)的 艾爾，

    自夸通常是不在乎的表現(xiàn)。你不要轉(zhuǎn)移話題或者阻止你的同事，她越是覺(jué)得不被羨慕就會(huì)越喜歡自夸。對(duì)他表示贊同--是的，她的確有出色的孩子和絕佳的婚姻--然后走開(kāi)。

    我愛(ài)他但是……

    提問(wèn)

    我愛(ài)我的男朋友，但是我們不能統(tǒng)一觀點(diǎn)，我想要孩子；他不想。我信奉宗教，他確實(shí)無(wú)神論者。所有人都讓我和他分手。但是我知道他愛(ài)我并且尊重我的信仰。我應(yīng)該跟著感覺(jué)走嗎？

    ----瓦倫汀·康達(dá)利

    親愛(ài)的瓦倫汀，

    你希望從愛(ài)情中得到多少滿足感？孩子？上帝？那些是最重要的。在兩個(gè)相對(duì)立的人之間所產(chǎn)生的愛(ài)情只會(huì)在電影中出現(xiàn)�；蛟S這個(gè)小伙子只會(huì)是一個(gè)好朋友。向一個(gè)你能和他一起分享你的想法和所有的一切得人敞開(kāi)心扉吧。

    提問(wèn)：

    我是一個(gè)護(hù)理專業(yè)的學(xué)生，并且是家里五個(gè)孩子中最年中的一個(gè)。我的家人都期待我能夠成功，但是我留級(jí)了并不得不用6個(gè)月的時(shí)間重讀整個(gè)學(xué)期。我讓我的父母失望了，這是我很沮喪。我不知道怎么和他們生說(shuō)。

    ----一個(gè)失敗者

    親愛(ài)的失敗者，

    你并沒(méi)有讓他們失望。努力地進(jìn)入一個(gè)光榮的行業(yè)是值得任何一個(gè)充滿愛(ài)的家庭所自豪的。由于你用一種不同的步伐來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)而不得不重修課程并不是丟人的事情，而是事實(shí)。你為什么不在今后的6個(gè)月里去護(hù)理有關(guān)的機(jī)構(gòu)做志愿者，比如地方的醫(yī)院？盡力去學(xué)，然后作為一個(gè)委任的學(xué)生回到學(xué)校成為一個(gè)未來(lái)的護(hù)士。

    提問(wèn)：

    我是中學(xué)家長(zhǎng)組織的一名辦公室人員。我們這有一位母親堅(jiān)信老師之所以偏向我的女兒是因?yàn)槲业穆毼坏脑�因，她還對(duì)我制造輿論，這導(dǎo)致憤怒的家長(zhǎng)們紛紛打來(lái)電話。我為這個(gè)項(xiàng)目一直努力工作，但是她在背后搗鬼的確傷害了我。我要怎樣回?fù)裟兀?/p>

    ----一個(gè)受傷害的人

    親愛(ài)的受傷害的人，

    有時(shí)候，表現(xiàn)粗暴是停止威脅的唯一方式。在下一次PTA會(huì)議上，把這位母親公開(kāi)的提出來(lái)。具體的舉例塌所說(shuō)的一些虛假的陳述并且要求她撤回那些陳述或者更改他們。這對(duì)你你和你女兒的聲譽(yù)都很重要，所以亮出你的王牌吧。